Permission to be at Ease

Here I sit today. Post war. Post depression. A large portion of the debris left on the battleground of our marriage has been cleared away. Major excavation has taken place. Positive experiences are replacing the negative ones of the past. Happy memories are beginning to crowd out the old memories full of hurt and regret. We are learning and practicing strategies for communication and conflict resolution. The marriage is no longer a battleground. There is peace in the land.

During the time of fighting for our marriage, I found it difficult to function beyond surviving. The battle took all I had. Complicated by depression, I found myself holding on for dear life. When I had a “real” job, it was more of a diversion than a necessity.

Now, in these days of new found peace, I have a wide-open schedule. I’m not working outside the home. I’m not leading any groups at church. When I go somewhere it’s because I choose to go there. When I do something it’s because I choose to do so. There are very few things I do because I am required to do them.

I have the gift of time. It is both a privilege and a responsibility.

Knowing my propensity for laziness, I don’t want to get too comfortable. There is a nagging sensation that I need to get busy. However, something wonderful is happening.

During this time of rest, my soul is healing. God is mending my broken heart. (I know, I know….there’s a song for everything and I get distracted by it, too.)

I am convinced this perfect Midwest Spring and Summer was orchestrated just for me. There was healing for me watching my peonies come up and the irises bloom. The cool night breezes smelled of sweet, new grass and leaves. Bird song in the morning. Tree frogs and cicadas at dusk. Perfect temperatures (except for that one hot spell). Blue skies. Puffy clouds. It’s all very cliché, I know. But, it’s peaceful and it’s restful. It’s quiet. And I am finally catching my breath.

For now, it is enough to simply be. I can be in God’s presence. I can be Brian’s wife. Mom to our kids and Grandma to our grandkids. Friend to my friends. There is healing here and a growing strength.

In the season following your battle, please, bend your knee to God Who loves you and receive healing for your soul and strength for tomorrow. There is value in taking rest after the battle. It is absolutely necessary. Rest is God-ordained. Soon enough there will be new orders, and they will be served to a rested, strengthen soul.

At ease, Soldier.

For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors,
just as God did after creating the world.
Hebrews 4:10 NLT

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